As I was getting dressed yesterday, some silly entertainment gossip show was blathering on as background noise while I searched through my closet. I couldn't help but hear as the host started talking about Insert-Random-Starlet's "amazing" body. Of course, what they meant when they talked about her amazing body is how skinny she is. This caused me to stand before my mirror, clad only in underwear, and agonize over how I am not what is currently considered skinny and thus apparently I don't have an amazing body. I immediately felt revulsion with myself. I was upset about not having the good genes that make me naturally thin and athletic. I felt guilty for eating a donut earlier in the day, and wished I could vomit out all of the nasty fat I had so stupidly ingested. I felt guilty for not using my treadmill, the one I spent an entire paycheck to purchase, more than 3 times per week. Then I got angry, but this time it wasn't directed at myself. This is going to be a long one. Buckle up, here we go.
I get frustrated quite often when hearing people discuss weight and size issues. I feel immense guilt every single time I eat, my mind plagued with thoughts of how many calories I've consumed and planning the best ways to skip my next meal (such as eating ice chips, because the chewing tricks your brain and the water fills you up). I've had this daily battle for as long as I can remember. I've spent hours sitting in front of a mirror and memorizing each flaw I have. I can give you a list of each flaw, recited from memory, starting at my head and moving down to my feet. And I hate myself for it.
Women are constantly pressured to be so thin that it jeopardizes our health. For those women who are able to achieve that highly-coveted size 2 figure (or the even better size 0), constant ridicule and attention is then directed at them for being too thin. So some of them gain a few pounds...and are promptly rumored to be pregnant or called fat. They lose a few pounds again, get praised for their bodies one day, and then are back to being too thin the next. The cycle never ends. For the women who are on the heavy side, they're bombarded with celebrities hocking various diet plans promising to help them lose multiple dress sizes without giving up certain foods (and we all know that the ONLY reason someone is bigger than a size 2 is because they just don't know when to stop eating or they eat only junk food, genetics and health conditions have absolutely nothing to do with it). I secretly think most of those celebrities just chose a surgical weight loss method rather than actually sticking to a diet and exercise plan, but that's a different post for a different day. Regardless of what a woman's body looks like, there is always something wrong with it. This even applies to the lucky bitches who are naturally thin. For those of us average ladies stuck somewhere in the middle of being skinny/fat, we can't simply be considered 'just right'. No, the world doesn't work like that. We're usually also just too fat.
I hate how men don't suffer nearly the same level of scrutiny for their appearance as women do. I hate how Hollywood sends the message that in order for a woman to find love she has to be thin and spend hours making herself look pretty. According to what is currently put out by Hollywood, men can be fat slobs who stand up from the recliner they passed out in during a marathon CoD session, take a few seconds to wipe the crumbs from last night's nachos off their man-boobs, and go out and snag the skinny hot girl who spent 3 hours exfoliating, deep-conditioning, waxing, moisturizing, and applying make-up (and it doesn't even seem to matter if the girl is more than just a nice, tight package). Bull. Shit. And by the way? Seriously dudes, wash your dirty hair and put on some clean clothes that are stain-free and DON'T smell like they've been left forgotten on your floor for the past month. Wash your freakin' face at least every few days, or preferably daily. A little cologne is nice. A bath in it is not. And for the love of all that is holy, if you honestly expect the girl you're banging to keep her ladybits groomed in a particular manner then you had better be willing to do a little manscaping yourself. Mini-rant over.
Back on topic! There are easily at least a dozen examples from movies or tv shows where an obese dude lands a twiggy hottie. I can think of maybe 2 examples of an average or overweight woman landing the athletic stud. Appearances shouldn't be everything, and for some of us they aren't, but I am fed the fuck up with the idea that a man doesn't have to worry about what he looks like because his ability to play video games and smoke weed will land him an attractive chick. I'm tired of the same type of god-awful shows like King of Queens or that one with asslicker Jim Belushi showing shlubby men married to stick-thin women. Even Family Guy (also another long rant for another day, because the treatment of Meg on that show disgusts me) and The Simpsons are guilty of this. Can it actually happen? Absolutely!! I know a few naturally skinny women from high school who are now married to men of the big and tall variety. I also know there are thinner men who like average or bigger girls. I'm just tired of women who I feel represent someone of average size like myself not getting the guy. In movies that actually cast a more average-sized woman, she is the forever-single, plain-looking best friend of the hot chick lead. We have to be reminded of our place as second fiddle.
I hate how the men of my generation seem to have been programmed to think that only skinny = good when it comes to a woman, and that they don't have to do a damn thing towards taking care of themselves in order to get a woman...but the woman has to be put-together at all times. I have first-hand experience dealing with men who actually think this. I have first-hand experience of being told by a man what physical flaws he felt I had and why I was pretty but not a hot chick, including that I was too big despite the fact that I was a size 5. A SIZE 5!!! I hate how my gender has been programmed to think that only skinny = good when it comes to what we see in the mirror, and that in order to find love we have to starve ourselves because no one likes a fatty. Seriously, how many times has the 'no fatties' joke been used for a plot involving a personal ad? I hate how many years of my life have been spent worrying over the number on the inside of my jeans. A number that no one except me even sees, but that can hold magical powers when it's the right number...which is obviously less than 5 and must never be followed by 'X' or 'W'.
Is my body larger than I want it to be? Absolutely. Will I continue to buy low-calorie/low-fat/low-carb foods in an effort to attain that magical number? I couldn't stop no matter how much I may want to. Do I feel comfortable and confident enough with my body to wear skimpy clothes? Not a chance. You know, I may not be wearing size 5 jeans right now (currently at a disgustingly large size 7), but fuck you entertainment world because I have an amazing body too. It may not be on a magazine cover in a bikini but it moves when I tell it to move, it can circulate roughly 2000 gallons of blood per day, it has the power to create and grow new life, and so many other things. I may not always like the way it looks, but my body is definitely AMAZING. Anyone who disagrees can feel free to kiss my (not really) fat ass.
No comments:
Post a Comment