What I did last night: said 'what? just what?' about a dozen times...

Seriously. WHAT?! WHAT?! (nsfw)

What I did last night: had the same internal body image battle every woman has on a daily basis

As I was getting dressed yesterday, some silly entertainment gossip show was blathering on as background noise while I searched through my closet. I couldn't help but hear as the host started talking about Insert-Random-Starlet's "amazing" body. Of course, what they meant when they talked about her amazing body is how skinny she is. This caused me to stand before my mirror, clad only in underwear, and agonize over how I am not what is currently considered skinny and thus apparently I don't have an amazing body. I immediately felt revulsion with myself. I was upset about not having the good genes that make me naturally thin and athletic. I felt guilty for eating a donut earlier in the day, and wished I could vomit out all of the nasty fat I had so stupidly ingested. I felt guilty for not using my treadmill, the one I spent an entire paycheck to purchase, more than 3 times per week. Then I got angry, but this time it wasn't directed at myself. This is going to be a long one. Buckle up, here we go.

What I did last night: got really pissed off

Some parents need to realize that at some point, your child will become an adult and like it or not you have to treat them as such. When your kid is closer to 30 than 13, it's time to stop treating them like a teenager. It's rather pathetic when someone who is in their 50s wants to be their adult child's BFF one minute (right down to acting like they're the same age), and the next wants to treat them like they're still a 5 year old who would be lost without mommy telling them what to do. You're almost a senior citizen, you aren't in your 30s any longer, so act your own age and let your child do the same without your interference. You're even more pathetic when you have to insult your child to make yourself feel better for being a complete failure. You didn't exactly accomplish any great feats in life, you have no business making snide remarks about the way someone else is living their life.

Oh, I almost forgot. FUCK FUCK ASS SHIT BITCH COCK PUSSY CUNT FUCK FUCK.

What I did last night: wished that some of my favorite fictional male characters were real

Most of the men I know are complete assholes. I'm tired of being used, lied to, cheated on, lead on, mistreated, taken for granted, etc. So I do what a lot of women do and I watch romantic comedies and wish that the dreamy leading man was more than a fictional character. Here, in no particular order, are some of the characters I most wish were more than just figments of a writer's imagination:

What I did last night: I was busy winning

I was making dinner and I opened a box of taco shells. Unexpectedly, a packet of Kool-Aid fell out of the box. That's called winning the Mexican lottery, amigos.

What I did last night: wondered if there are objects left that haven't been made to look like vaginas

Hey guys, have you ever wished you could just sleep inside a cozy vagina? Guess whaaaaaaat...

What I did last night: made a list of things that I DON'T want from Prince Charming

So you may have seen that my pal Randi made a list to help any potential Prince Charming sweep her off her feet. It got me thinking about my own rules for potential suitors, and how most women are completely insane when thinking about what they want from their "perfect man". I wanted to take a different approach than just listing the things I want from a guy. Maybe I'm just an odd duck, but here are some things most women seem to swoon over that just drive me nuts. Take notes, guys.

What I did last night: learned that our idea isn't as original as we had hoped

So yeah, apparently there's already a website called What I Did Last Night. Why didn't any of you guys tell us?!?! It's similar to our blog, but I personally like ours better. I guess we need to figure out a new quippy name. Ranchel is all about originality, we definitely aren't into copying someone else, even if it was unintentional.

What I did last night: found out that people still fill out MySpace surveys

Your name?
Rachel

What I did last night: learned that even Orthodox Jews can thank G-d for the Rabbit vibrator

Did you know that "Orthodox Jewish couples are taught, once they get engaged, to have phenomenal, shout-out-loud, swinging-from-the-chandelier sex."? No? Have you ever wanted to bring a new toy into your Jewish bedroom, but are fearful that it just won't be Kosher?