What I did last night: wished that some of my favorite fictional male characters were real

Most of the men I know are complete assholes. I'm tired of being used, lied to, cheated on, lead on, mistreated, taken for granted, etc. So I do what a lot of women do and I watch romantic comedies and wish that the dreamy leading man was more than a fictional character. Here, in no particular order, are some of the characters I most wish were more than just figments of a writer's imagination:

1) Mr. Darcy - What kind of straight woman would I be if Mr. Darcy wasn't somewhere on this list? I might as well go ahead and make him the very first one. It doesn't matter if Colin Firth or Matthew MacFayden is bringing him to life, I just want a Mr. Darcy to call my own. Why is it so damn hard to find an intelligent, confident, loyal, financially secure man? I'm beginning to think it's impossible to find a man who possesses even 2 of the qualities. Randi and I have had probably a dozen conversations just in the past year about how much we wish Mr. Darcy was real and would come whisk us away to Pemberley. Instead, we just seem to keep getting suckered in by Mr. Wickham over and over again.

2) Noah Puckerman - So I'm a Gleek. I watch every week and feel torn over whether or not I'm a friend of Pedobear for lusting after 17 year old Noah Puckerman, who is played by 29 year old Mark Salling. Mostly, I just want to find the legal and non-fictional version who is just as gorgeous and has the same musical talent. Puck is the bad boy all women dream of taming. He got his best friend's girlfriend pregnant, has bullied basically everyone around him other than his mom and little sister, and has loads of issues after his father abandoned his family but you know that he's really got a heart of gold he's just waiting to give to the right woman (Rachel Berry or this Rachel, either of us is fine). Oh, and he's a Jew. I love Jewish men.

3) Spike aka William the Bloody - I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A lot. Before there was Noah Puckerman filling my fantasies about bad boys I can love into being a good guy, there was Spike. Spike was a really bad boy...murderously bad. Then Spike fell in love with a woman who was his complete opposite but exactly the same in so many ways and Spike changed just for the chance to even call her a friend. Thankfully for my little shipper heart, he got a whole lot more (I will forever believe that he got to Shanshu and make little Spuffy babies after Angel ended, but that's another subject). Spike was willing to go against his very nature for the woman he loved. He was loyal to her at times when no one else was, he treated her like an equal and enjoyed the fact that she was a strong woman, and he was always so in tune with her that he knew what her feelings were without having to ask. THAT is what a woman's dreams are made of, all wrapped up in a gorgeous package that writes poetry and sings. Even my ovaries are swooning. And fuck Twilight.

4) Basically anyone played by Colin Firth - Seriously, Colin Firth is phenomenal. He was so amazing as Mr. Darcy in the UK Pride and Prejudice miniseries that Helen Fielding based Mark Darcy from the Bridget Jones series off of him. And then he was amazing enough to play the role of Mark Darcy in the movies and make women swoon for Mr. Darcy all over again. As if that wasn't enough, in Love Actually he played the adorable writer Jamie who fell in love with a woman he couldn't even properly converse with due to a language barrier. So what did he do? He learned to speak her language so that he could ask her to marry him in her language. That is love, actually.

5) Samuel Baldwin - I adore Tom Hanks. I think I would definitely be comfortable calling him my favorite actor. He has done quite a few amazing movies, and he shines in either drama or romantic comedies. You cannot talk about romantic comedies without mentioning Sleepless in Seattle. It is the epitome of a romantic comedy. That movie is probably the first rom com I ever saw and I fell in love with it from that very first viewing. Even back then I knew that Sam Baldwin was the kind of man I wanted to someday meet. He's charming, he's funny, he's sweet, and even after seeing the movie dozens of times I can still get a little teary hearing his talk about his dead wife. I want a man to talk about me that way, only without me being dead.

6) C.K. Dexter Haven and Macaulay Connor - The Philadelphia Story is one of my all-time favorite films. It stars some of the greatest classic actors ever, in some of their greatest roles ever. I dare any woman to watch Jimmy Stewart's Macaulay Connor tell Katharine Hepburn's Tracy Lord that she is magnificent and not let out at least one audible sigh. That speech is easily one of the most memorable and amazing scenes in cinema history. Cary Grant's C. K. Dexter Haven is just as mesmerizing. He's funny and witty, and all throughout he's secretly scheming to win his ex-wife Tracy back. If I were Katharine Hepburn, the toughest choice would be deciding which one I wanted more. Cary Grant and Jimmy Stewart were amazing in almost everything they did. I could list at least a dozen more characters they've portrayed for this list.

7) Matt Flamhaff - 13 Going on 30 is the chick version of Big, full of girly humor and a super cute leading man. Mark Ruffalo is just absolutely adorable. He seems like the guy next door, and that's exactly who he plays in 13 Going on 30. He's the boy who has been in love with the girl since they were kids and she just didn't see what she had right in front of her. He made her a mitxtape for her 13th birthday. HE MADE HER A MIXTAPE. That is the kind of thing I drool over. I want a guy who will take the time to pick out songs that he thinks I'll like or that hold some kind of special meaning and then put them all together on a tape/cd/playlist to give to me. He also made her a Barbie-style dream house, and he included all kinds of little things that meant something to her or were things she liked. And that's just when they were 13! At 30 he was just as thoughtful and sweet, and still in love with the girl. Dreamy.

8) Logan Echolls - Veronica Mars was a great show that definitely did not get the appreciation it deserved. It was smart, funny, witty, and had some great complex characters. Logan Echolls was one such character. He's the bad boy son of two famous movie stars, an abusive father and an alcoholic mother. He's not always the nicest guy (abusive father, alcoholic mother, murdered girlfriend), but he is protective and fiercely loyal to those he loves. He puts on a brave front, but really he's just a vulnerable lost soul who did everything he could to fight for those he loved. A bad boy with a heart of gold...chicks dig that.

9) Josh from Clueless - Paul Rudd is a total Baldwin! I don't know any girl who hasn't watched Clueless and wished that Josh was their ex-stepbrother. He's sweet, he's funny, he's protective, he's smart, and again he's a total hottie. With a guy like that, I'm totally expected to swoon. Will I? I do think so. Paul is also a Jew. Bonus points.

10) Noah Calhoun - What, you didn't really think this list wouldn't have Ryan Gosling in The Notebook on it somewhere did you? There really isn't even anything that can be said about this other than: Ryan Gosling, I would like to introduce you to someone. Her name is My Vagina.

I could probably go on and on with this, but 10 seems like a good place to stop. Now, time to go watch some of these men in action.